Top 6 Reasons Why I Will Never Hit on a Cosplayer Ever Again

So every single fucking time I post about a female cosplayer, resident idiots would come out like cockroaches and exclaim "GT is just bitter because that girl rejected him!" Well let me clear something up for you dipshits once and for all: I do hit on cosplayers.

During my year-long stint as GT I've slept with 14 women (an average number for a span of one year; I'm gunning for a lifetime record of 600 to beat my mentor's), 12 of which are involved in cosplay. However, the lucky hoes never appear on my pages. And guess what? I've thrown in the towel when it comes to these dress-up freaks. Why? Because every single one of them is bloody defective!

Here's the top 6 reasons why I will never look back to Cosplayland again should I ever need the nookie:

Online friends. I must admit there are hotties in the cosplay world. That is why I dare tap into my roster of fangirls in the first place. The weird thing is, despite the presentable features 10 out of the 12 cosplayers I screwed had, they rarely have actual friends in real life. By that I mean they would have two to three close friends they actually see in person then like four times that number of "online buddies" who they hold dear despite the fact that they only see each other once a month at most.

In layman terms, cosplay girls are social retards unable to fit in with their immediate environment so they turn to people from far away whose computer screens filter how shitty they are in the flesh. Sometimes their BFFs are long-lost high school friends now living in Canada or somewhere distant who are among the very few poor souls willing to put up with them and only because it's solely through the internet. Going out with a socially defunct cosplayer subjects you to putting the lame cap on.

Family problems. Cosplayers have serious family problems whether it be due to them being so totally Wapanese retarded that their family disowns them, they simply aren't good with people, or they are rebellious bitches. The annoying part is you will have to endure their ranting about how badly their family sucks. Every single day. A total pain in the ass.

Self-esteem issues. Maybe it's a given that cosplayers have terrible self-esteem which pushed them to venture into a hobby where they only have to wear fancy clothes or show some skin to gain self-worth. The girls I slept with are no different. For one-night stands this wouldn't be an issue, but should you fail to make a clean escape, you're stuck with dealing with an irksome cumdumpster who after telling her how great she made you feel still wouldn't shut up about how fugly she thinks she is.

Dumb. From the dozen I boned, I met no intellectual equal. Therefore, statistics lead me to the conclusion that 100% of cosplay girls are dumb and can't carry a conversation to a level I'm accustomed to (hint: above pea-brain). They only talk about the basic stuff such as friends (or lack thereof), making friends, their homes being the saddest place on earth, food (from kwek kwek connoisseurs to fine dining elitist brats), Japanese stuff, cosplay etc. on such a trivial level that I find it hard to convince myself that I'm having a blast during our dates. It's no surprise that they are so incompetent, four of twelve are stuck taking calls (and spreading AIDS) for a living.

Another testament to their stupidity is that three of them agreed to meet me, practically a stranger, right in front of motels (Recto is heaven!) after only three days or less of chatting. It took a week or more for five of them to settle on a date (three I made out with in our first movie together), the rest took between two weeks to one month. I would like to think I am so fly I could get girls to sleep with me so easily, but I honestly doubt that is the case. Cosplayers just happen to be easy mode.

Jealous freaks. In cases where my relationship with a cosplayer lasts for over a couple of weeks (which is half of the time), it always comes to a point where she rears her ugly jealous freak head, be it over an article I write here or my increasing interest in her sister or the decline of amount of time I give her. Of course this only applies to girls I stayed with long enough. The quickies, well, I have a way of digging up their history to make sure they don't have STDs and it always turns out that they are indeed jealous freaks whenever given the chance.

Bad in bed. This is often a deal-breaker and why I ditched half of them as soon as I can. Female cosplayers don't know their way in the nether regions. With so much exposure to hentai you'd think they know a trick or two. Well, the better ones do know a trick or two but that is below par as far as my satisfaction is concerned.

There's this one girl who was so bad that I was literally dozing off while fingering her (read: after one round of disastrous disappointment I didn't bother going in again, I just waited for it to be over). Perhaps something was just wrong with me that day, I thought, so I sent a friend over to do her and tell me if he'll get a better experience. Lo and behold, he agreed with everything I said about her being less fun than drilling a fleshlight.

Of the eight of them who obliged with a blowjob, I had to teach five how to and two couldn't get it right no matter what advice I give them. I can't imagine how hard it could be to suck on cock without your teeth grazing on it. Oh right, if they were actually good at something they wouldn't be wasting their life away playing dress up.

(For the record, I don't set out to chane like the chaneros out there. The girls I take to bed are those who express interest. Often it's an obvious fangirl or someone who would PM me in Multiply or e-mail me. You may argue that I do initiate, but only when I find cues telling me to. Also, I do realize that posting this article gravely lowers my chances of scoring on a female cosplayer and that's a good thing. I've had enough. Back to normal, less retarded girls I go!)